SALT STORY : Kendra Harris

 
 
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 I was delivered on April 13, 2019

Something I’d been wrestling with my entire life was gone in an instant.

This thing that stopped me from stepping into all God calls me to be was taken away in exchange for something better.

It’s absolutely wild how in a moments notice your entire life can be different.

For years I thought feeling unloved, or unwanted, unappreciated or unseen was “just the way it is.” I’d have to deal with this forever.

This feeling that even in a crowded room, I felt alone and invisible. That no matter how many people told me I was loved, wanted and appreciated, I could never really believe them.

“God what is happening?”

One day I was at a coffee shop with friends and I just felt off. Out of nowhere I didn’t want to engage with those around me. I felt I needed to protect myself or withhold all that I had left because there wouldn’t be anymore for me later.

I leaned over and asked my friend Bella if she’d ever felt this way. I honestly don’t remember what she said to me. As encouraging as I’m sure it was, her response just wasn’t enough. I was looking for something her words couldn’t touch on.

I went home that night and prayed, “God what is happening? God what is this? Whatever is brewing underneath the surface is causing me to not want to be 100% with people or loving towards them, not wanting to pour out. I feel like I’m lacking and don’t want to give away.”

I prayed for months.

God started to show me I was dealing with the spirit of rejection.

It was like a lightbulb went on - everything made sense. As clear as day, I could see how the spirit of rejection was literally cutting me off from the very things I wanted in life, the things I deeply longed for; particularly God’s love. To know that God has truly chosen me.

It was cutting me off from the very people God placed in my life to be a vessel of His very love and acceptance.

I prayed and asked God to take it away. I repented for coming into agreement with this spirit that caused me to deny His love in the first place. “Help me with my unbelief.”

I picked my sword back up and started to declare God’s word over my life, what He says about me.

"You are my Son (daughter), chosen and marked by my love, pride of my life.” -Mark 1:11 MSG

“For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will—to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.” -Ephesians 1:4-6 NIV

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” -Psalm 139:13 NIV

I knew I needed God to step into this. Again, as amazing and powerful are the words and prayers of my friends, I knew I needed an encounter with the Lord.

So I continued to pray and to worship and to repent.

April 12-13 I attended the Orange County Women’s Conference. To be completely honest, I was only going to support my friend that was speaking. I wasn’t really expecting too much. Those sneaky little lies came rushing in “God doesn’t have anything for me here. He’ll show up for them but not me. Does He even care?” So so silly when you actually think about it.

But God had other plans and showed up in a major way.

The only way I can describe it is as if this weight I’d been carrying around my entire life was taken off my back. God exchanged my thought process of “this is just the way it is” for His: “this is the way it was always supposed to be.” He gave me His love and joy in a way I pray to never forget.

One moment I’m bent over weeping with tears streaming down my face and the next I’m spilling over with laughter.

...”she laughs at the days to come." -Proverbs 31:25

...laughing at how stupid and unoriginal satan is, laughing at how foolish I had been to not fully believe the goodness of my Father. It’s so silly how we deny or scoff at the very things we so desperately need and want. Maybe because we think “that’s for them but not for me.”

The next morning I woke up and everything felt...the same. Just like any other day. I went about my morning routine and headed out the door to meet a friend. To be honest, what happened didn’t really set in until I was talking to my friend.

“OH MY GOSH!!! I was literally delivered from the spirit of rejection last night! This is a huge deal. I need to share this with people.”

That night at church, I told people about it. Bella and I were sitting on the couch talking, “Tonight you have a new authority,” she said.

“Yeah I do.”

The crazy thing about it all is nothing external looks different. However, I KNOW THAT I AM A CHANGED PERSON. It’s funny how the Kingdom of God works like that.

Now I can either tuck that experience with God away as if nothing actually happened or I can walk differently believing that God met me that night and everything changed.

The choice is mine.

I choose to believe that I was delivered and healed that night. I believe that I do walk with a new authority. I do believe that I am deeply loved and known and chosen by God to know Him. I do believe there is no lack and I don’t have to hold on to or hoard the things God has given me because in His kingdom there is abundance on abundance on abundance to give away.

“...Freely you have received, freely give.” Matthew 10:8 NIV

-Kendra Harris